Men send dozens of messages on dating apps and receive minimal responses. This basic reality shapes every other aspect of their online dating participation. According to Pew Research Center’s 2023 analysis, 64% of men feel insecure due to a lack of messages received on dating platforms, compared to 40% of women. The numbers tell a story that men know intimately: algorithmic systems that control who sees their profiles, women overwhelmed by options who never open their messages, and a matching process designed to extract maximum revenue rather than create connections.
The Algorithm Problem
A 2025 JMIR Formative study documented that dating apps deploy sophisticated AI tools to maximize revenue at the expense of men’s psychological wellbeing. These algorithms throttle matches for men while inundating women with options. The study linked this pattern directly to increased depression and anxiety among male users.
Men pay for premium features that promise visibility. The apps then use that payment data to identify desperate users and further limit their organic reach. One man purchases a boost feature, sees a temporary spike in matches, then watches his visibility plummet below pre-purchase levels. The apps have learned he will pay, so they create artificial scarcity.
When Relationship Preferences Become Algorithm Fodder
Men’s preferences on dating platforms often become data points that apps manipulate for engagement. A man seeking casual connections finds himself matched with women wanting commitment, while someone looking for a sugar baby gets shown profiles of women seeking traditional relationships. The algorithms deliberately create these mismatches because frustrated users spend more time swiping, generating more ad revenue and premium subscription purchases.
The mismatch problem extends beyond basic preferences. Men report that apps learn their interaction patterns and then weaponize them. If a man swipes right frequently, the algorithm shows his profile less often to women. If he becomes selective, the app suddenly presents profiles outside his stated preferences, forcing him to either lower standards or pay for premium features that promise better matching accuracy.
Message Volume Disparity
Edwige International’s 2025 analysis identifies what they call the “paradox of choice” affecting men. While women receive hundreds of likes and messages weekly, men send message after message into what feels like a void. South Denver Therapy’s data confirms men worry about receiving too few messages while women feel overwhelmed by volume.
This disparity creates secondary issues. Men craft thoughtful opening messages that go unread because women’s inboxes overflow. Women develop rapid filtering mechanisms, dismissing profiles in seconds. Men respond by sending more generic messages to more women, further contributing to the volume problem.
The Scammer Economy
According to Pew Research Center, 63% of men under 50 who have used dating sites believe they encountered scammers. This rate exceeds both older men at 47% and women of any age at 44%. Scammers target men specifically because they know men receive fewer matches and may be more vulnerable to attention.
Platforms indirectly benefit from the presence of scammers. Fake profiles increase total user counts, making apps appear more active. Men who match with scammers often purchase premium features to verify profiles or increase their chances with what they believe are real users.
Ghosting as Standard Practice
South Denver Therapy’s 2025 data shows ghosting has become a normalized communication behavior on dating platforms. Men report being ghosted at every stage: after matching, during conversations, after planning dates, and even after meeting in person. The practice notes how “feeling ignored, rejected, or unsafe online can chip away at confidence” among male clients.
Physical Appearance Gatekeeping
Edwige International’s report documents how men feel disheartened by platforms where physical appearance determines visibility. Height requirements appear in profile after profile. Photos taken at wrong angles or in poor lighting result in zero matches. Men who rate as average in appearance receive exponentially fewer matches than those one standard deviation above average.
The apps amplify these preferences through their sorting algorithms. A man who receives few initial matches gets shown to fewer women over time. The system interprets low match rates as low desirability and adjusts visibility accordingly, creating a feedback loop that pushes average-looking men toward invisibility.
Emotional Detachment Culture
Edwige International identifies emotional detachment as a key 2025 challenge for men seeking connections. Dating apps promote casual interactions through their design: swipe mechanics that reduce people to instant decisions, messaging systems that encourage brief exchanges, and matching processes that create an abundance mentality.
Men seeking deeper connections report feeling alienated by partners who hesitate to show emotional vulnerability. The apps train users to maintain multiple simultaneous conversations, treating potential partners as replaceable options rather than unique individuals.
The Payment Trap
The JMIR Formative study reveals that men must purchase expensive features to gain limited priority in matching queues. Apps offer various payment tiers: boosts that temporarily increase profile visibility, super likes that notify recipients, and premium subscriptions that promise algorithmic advantages. Men report spending hundreds of dollars monthly for marginal improvements in match rates.
These payment systems create class stratification within dating apps. Men who cannot afford premium features compete against those with unlimited budgets for boosts and super likes. The apps deliberately structure these systems to extract maximum revenue from men’s desire for connection.
Psychological Consequences
The JMIR Formative study documents links between dating app usage patterns and psychological harm in men. Constant rejection through non-response creates learned helplessness. The algorithmic throttling of matches prevents men from accurately assessing their desirability. Intermittent reinforcement through occasional matches creates addictive usage patterns similar to gambling.
South Denver Therapy reports treating increasing numbers of men for dating app-related mental health issues. These men describe cycles of hope and disappointment, spending hours daily swiping and messaging with minimal results. The apps have created a new category of relationship-related psychological distress specific to their mechanics and algorithms.
Conclusion
Digital dating has transformed how people meet, but it has also introduced a new layer of emotional and psychological strain for men. Algorithmic decisions, message disparities, appearance-based filtering, scammers, and escalating payment systems all contribute to a sense of discouragement and confusion. While dating apps promise opportunity, many men experience a cycle of rejection, invisibility, and emotional fatigue that undermines their confidence and well-being. Recognizing these hidden pressures is the first step toward using dating platforms more consciously. As these digital spaces evolve, men will benefit from setting healthy boundaries, managing expectations, and seeking connections that prioritize authenticity rather than algorithm-driven engagement.
FAQs
1. Why do men receive fewer matches on dating apps?
Women receive significantly higher message volume, causing overflowed inboxes and rapid filtering. This leads to fewer responses for men, even when they send thoughtful messages.
2. Are dating app algorithms disadvantageous for men?
Many studies suggest apps limit men’s organic visibility while encouraging them to buy boosts or premium features, creating an uneven playing field.
3. Why do scammers target men more often?
Scammers know men receive fewer matches and may respond more readily to attention, making them easier targets.
4. Why do men experience more ghosting?
Men face ghosting at various stages because of message overload on the female side, quick filtration habits, and emotional detachment common in swipe-based platforms.
5. How do dating apps affect men’s mental health?
Frequent rejection, algorithmic suppression, mismatched expectations, and payment-driven visibility can contribute to anxiety, depression, and lowered self-esteem.
